Over fifteen years ago I started studying Wicca, but never followed through for a number of reasons. Now fifteen plus years later I’m in the fourth week of what would be called my Seeker/Dedicant studies of Wicca/Witchcraft/Paganism. I’m not sure of what I’ll branch I’ll end up choosing, but as of right now I am leaning more towards what would be called an Eclectic, Celtic, Green, Natural, solitary Wiccan–not sure that this an actual thing, but it’s what feels right to me.
What lead me towards this spiritual path? How did someone who grew up in a Southern Baptist Church in a very Christian household (my step-grandfather was head deacon and part-time (fill-in) pastor) end up on the spiritual path of Witchcraft/Wicca/Paganism? What are my beliefs now?
I’ve always felt at peace when the sun is on my face, a breeze is blowing against my skin, listening to the rain-dancing in the rain-walking in the rain; I love storms, I love the smell of the ocean and the feel of sand between my toes; and no matter how much my parents tried to stop me I was always climbing trees, sitting underneath a tree reading a book, etc. I’ve also always felt like the elements have an energy likened to what is often referred to spirit. Sitting in church growing up I didn’t feel any of the peace that I got when I was just outside in nature. I never understood their trinity, or why there were so many contradictions, or why one religion thought they were the ONE yet other religions weren’t the ONE going to Heaven yet they all believed in God. Nor did I understand the judgment or the hypocrisy. And the more I studied things like World Religion, World Literature, World History, and Philosophy the more questions I had, the less I understood about Christianity, and the less connected I felt–how could I feel connected to a religion that in the name of said religion and/or God so many atrocities had/have been committed? I couldn’t.
I ended up Agnostic. I knew/felt like there was a higher power, some kind of divine power, but knew that it wasn’t under the Christian religion that my answers could be found. About two years ago, give or take, I started researching Witchcraft/Wicca/Craft of the Wise/Wise Women/Healers/Paganism for a novel I was writing for NaNoWriMo. The more I researched the more I understood why I hadn’t felt connected to Christianity, and the more I felt connected to Paganism.
Since it’s only been a little over 3 weeks since I started seriously studying Wicca. I thought I’d start with Wicca, move on to Paganism, and various other branches of Paganism, so that as my path progresses I’ll decide on what branch/path I take based on which direction I am pulled.
TO make a long story short, I am out of the broom closet with my husband. My parents, children, etc do not know–I’m still learning and it’s not anyone else’s business right now. Once I finish this part (the 366 days) I may come out of the broom closet with others as necessary. Not that I’m ashamed, but I don’t want to answer questions until I have more answers myself.
I am still figuring out what my beliefs are. I still believe that there is a higher power, a Divine power–the Divine power: god and goddess, lord and lady. )O(
I do believe much of what is referred to as animism. I do believe in being at one with nature. I do believe in intuition, empathy, mediumship, and other psychic forms. I have always been intuitive, empathic, been able to see and sometimes speak with ghosts. I also believe in Karma, in reincarnation, and healing with natural recources whenever possible. I also think I’m more drawn to Tarot than to Runes, and I’m more of a candle and incense person than a cone incense kind of person, and I really like using natural herbs–I just need to get some (I only have a few).